Trust

Who can you trust to help you achieve a more balanced, comfortable life?

I can tell you how trustworthy I am, but that doesn’t mean much of anything. To trust me, or not, you must get to know me; at least to some degree. Trust is gained or lost by what we do, not necessarily by what we say.  

Trust is a vital component in all healthy relationships. Without trust a relationship is, at best, in jeopardy; and at worst, doomed. We all have several types of relationships: partner, parent, friend, child, employee, boss, client, patient, sibling, etc.

So who can you trust to help you deal with an issue that is causing frustration, discomfort or even pain? If you could just discover how to reduce or eliminate the problem blocking you from moving forward, your life could be more comfortable, more enjoyable.

Here are the five steps to manage or solve a problem:  

  1.  Identify and clarify the problem.
  2.  Brainstorm the possible solutions/options, to solve your unique problem.
  3.  Carefully examine each option.
  4.  Choose the most effective available option (not the easiest or quickest).
  5. Then, practice it. Work it! Gradually replace the old behavior with the new.

As your coach, I assist and guide you in each step, lend support, and act as your advocate as you practice your new approach to the situation.

But, how can you trust me to be your coach; to actively listen, ask the right questions and maintain confidentiality? It’s simple- talk to me!

Call me to schedule a one hour, no charge, sample phone session. This will give you the opportunity to see if coaching is right for you, and to ensure that you find me helpful and trustworthy.

There is no further obligation; unless you want my help to invest in making necessary, effective change.  

813-833-6466 

  

You Look Marvelous!

 That’s what Billy Crystal says in his music video. So it must be true!

First impressions are important. This is something that allows us to interact, to connect; or not.

But that is just the veneer, the glitter. It’s the wrapping on the package.

On occasion the wrapping is indicative of the packages’ contents; often it is not. If you look deeper you are likely to be surprised; in a good way, or not so good way.

I learned the importance of first impressions many years ago when I was an enlisted man in the US Navy. I often drove home to New Jersey from Norfolk, Virginia on weekends. To start the trip you need to go on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel which is a toll road. I always wore my Navy uniform on the trip and when I would pull up to the toll booth, the toll collector always seemed rude and gruff. However; one trip I took,I was wearing a sport coat and tie since I was at a civilian event prior to starting the trip.  When I pulled up to the toll booth the toll collector said with a smile “Hello sir, isn’t it a beautiful evening?” I paused, somewhat surprised, and then said “sure is”. I paid the toll and drove off, quite puzzled. Why was the toll booth greeting so different? Then it dawned on me; the toll booth collector reacted to my appearance.

It was well known by sailors in Norfolk that many locals were not pleased to interact with sailors and showed some level of disdain. That was so because of the many ongoing negative incidents in town involving unruly sailors that were either rude, drunk or both.

So,the toll booth encounter was an “aha” moment for me. My guess was that the rather unpleasant toll booth encounters had to do with being just another sailor in the eyes of the toll collectors; and with the suit and tie encounter, I was an acceptable, pleasant civilian.  In other words, I looked “marvelous”! I had always heard that first impressions were important but this event proved to me how true it is. However, we all know that first impressions aren’t always lasting. Because when we start looking under the “wrapping”, we often find out that the item isn’t what was advertised! And, wasn’t so marvelous!

TRUST

Who can you trust to help you achieve a more balanced, comfortable life?

I can tell you how trustworthy I am, but that doesn’t mean much of anything. To trust me, or not, you must get to know me; at least to some degree. Trust is gained or lost by what we do, not necessarily by what we say.  

Trust is a vital component in all healthy relationships. Without trust a relationship is, at best, in jeopardy; and at worst, doomed. We all have several types of relationships: partner, parent, friend, child, employee, boss, client, patient, sibling, etc.

So who can you trust to help you deal with an issue that is causing frustration, discomfort or even pain? If you could just discover how to reduce or eliminate the problem blocking you from moving forward, your life could be more comfortable, more enjoyable.

Here are the five steps to manage or solve a problem:  

  1.  Identify and clarify the problem.
  2.  Brainstorm the possible solutions/options, to solve your unique problem.
  3.  Carefully examine each option.
  4.  Choose the most effective available option (not the easiest or quickest).
  5. Then, practice it!

 Work it! 

 Replace the old behavior with the new!

             As your coach, I assist and guide you in each step, lend support, and act as your advocate as you practice your new approach to the situation.

But, how can you trust me to be your coach; to actively listen, ask the right questions and maintain confidentiality? It’s simple- talk to me!

Call me to schedule a one hour, no charge, sample phone session. This will give you the opportunity to see if coaching is right for you, and to ensure that you find me helpful and trustworthy.

There is no further obligation; unless you want my help to invest in making necessary, effective change.  

813-833-6466   

Comfortable Misery

The famous author Franz Kafka said “It is often safer to be in chains than to be free”.  That is a strange statement at first glance; but if we think about it, it may not be so strange.  This comment addresses the phenomenon called Comfortable Misery.  You may, or may not have encountered the term but many of us at one time or another have experienced Comfortable Misery.

So what is Comfortable Misery? It sounds like a contradiction, a paradox, something that couldn’t possibly exist.  Comfort implies a state of ease or the absence of hardship.  Misery, on the other hand,  implies difficulties, suffering and distress.  What Comfortable Misery means is that we find ourselves in some sort of distasteful situation, some sort of ongoing distress that often has crept up on us ever so slowly over time, and we find ourselves tolerating it, coping with it, and allowing it to keep on making us miserable.

When we see this phenomenon in others or recognize it in ourselves we might wonder why we don’t fix it by making some change to feel less, or no, misery.  In reality we often don’t do anything about it.  We find ourselves accepting some moderate level of comfort in doing the same thing repeatedly and allow the same set of stressful circumstances to persist.  In a strange way we become Comfortably Miserable!  Why?!

Why does one continue with the discomfort, the misery?  The answer to this question is a bit complicated.  

One explanation is that the comfortable misery may be perceived as being better than the situation that existed before it.  Making a change is difficult.  Fear of the unknown is a common barrier to moving forward, growing.  What if the change we make turns out to be worse than what we already have?  Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, said “we must be careful that the ladder of success we are climbing is not leaning against the wrong wall”.  This might make us think twice about attempting to make a change for the better.

Another answer to why we resist breaking out of the comfortable misery is that it takes effort and time to make a change for better, especially if it seems risky.  And it’s true, there may be some risk involved.  But what if the change is a good change?  If the change is well thought out and is the healthiest and least risky, there is a good chance you can get unstuck, free from that nagging “Comfortable Misery”. 

The solution to reduce or eliminate the Misery and enhance the Comfort is to make a change; and Good Change is Good.  How do we know what is a Good Change?  We will know it when we put some good thought, effort, and time into figuring out what would be the best change we could make under the given circumstances.  Once the change is made and practiced, it is very likely that more comfort and less misery will prevail.